February 5, 2025
Cindy Lopez: Welcome. My name is Cindy Lopez, the host of this CHC podcast, Voices of Compassion. We hope you find a little courage, feel connected and experience compassion every time you listen.
Do you see your kids putting off tasks until the last minute, replacing their belongings, always running late, or forgetting to turn in their homework? These are all signs of executive functioning challenges. Listen to this podcast episode as we talk with CHC experts, Dr. Joaquin Burciaga and Danna Torres about the essential role of executive functioning in everyday life and how kids rely on these skills and tasks like organizing homework and managing time. We’ll discuss how parents and caregivers can teach and scaffold executive functioning skills, breaking them into manageable steps. Plus, what happens when kids just aren’t getting it? We’ll share strategies to adjust and support them with compassion and patience, fostering growth, even in the most challenging moments.
Welcome, Dr. Burciaga and Danna, before we dive into our conversation today, why don’t you take a moment to tell our listeners a little bit about yourselves?
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: So my name is Joaquin Burciaga, I’m a licensed psychologist and neuropsychologist. I’ve been working at CHC now for six years and have been licensed for about 10 years. In addition to being a neuropsychologist, I’m also a dad.
Danna Torrres, LMFT: My name is Danna Torres. I’m a licensed marriage family therapist here at Children’s Health Council. I provide individual and family therapy services as well as parent education services for the families I work with. Additionally, I’m a parent educator for our ESPA program, and I am also proudly a mom of two awesome kiddos.
Cindy Lopez: For our listeners, you may have heard both Dr. Burciaga and Danna on previous episodes. So we’re grateful that they’re back again to share their expertise and insights with us. And today we’re talking about executive functioning. So let’s create a little context for our listeners by defining what is executive functioning?
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: So executive functioning, it really is a broad umbrella term for a lot of skills. Some of the key components involved in executive functioning that I’m often looking at when I’m doing my evaluations are working memory, cognitive flexibility, and inhibitory control. So when we think about working memory, it’s that ability to hold information in mind, manipulate it over a short period of time, like, for example, remembering instructions or remembering details from a story. Cognitive flexibility is that ability to be able to adapt to new situations. And then inhibitory control is that ability to control and resist distractions or impulses. And there’s also attentional control, our ability to focus and sustain our attention is a big piece of executive functioning.
Cindy Lopez: Often, you know, when I think about executive functioning, I think a lot about organization and time management and all those kinds of things. How does that fit into what you just described?
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: Yeah, that’s a great question. So, organization, time management, all of those are also very key components of executive functioning. So, when we think about organization and how that can impact a child and their functioning, if you have a very disorganized child and you’re just trying to get them out the door, sometimes having them remember their homework, or their lunch, sometimes their shoes, can be challenging. And so that’s an important piece. And additionally, time management, knowing how long certain tasks are going to take you and being able to plan a certain amount of time to complete those tasks is also something that is negatively impacted in kids who have difficulty with executive functions.
Cindy Lopez: Yeah. And it seems like all the things you mentioned previously, the working memory, cognitive flexibility, that those are kind of overarching components of executive functioning where organization and time management might fall into one of those.
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I also think about things like, task initiation or just getting started on tasks can be impacted. Uh, keeping track of personal items, how many kids go to school with a sweater and come back with somebody else’s sweater or without a sweater at all. And then also being able to follow directions or manage their emotions. Those are all key components of executive functioning as well.
Cindy Lopez: So, for our conversation today, we’re talking about everyday strategies for executive functioning. So let’s talk about that for a minute.
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: When I think of everyday strategies for executive functioning, I’m usually thinking of things that are practical, easy to implement ways or techniques that can be incorporated into a kid’s daily routine, to help them develop and strengthen their executive functioning skills. So things like when we’re trying to get skills put in place, things that make them everyday strategies are focusing on simplicity and integrating them into daily routines, putting an emphasis on consistency of these skills or routines, but at the same time remaining adaptable. So sometimes strategies may not necessarily work everyday or for every child. Being collaborative with the child, I think, is also an important piece where it’s not just parents handing down these rules or strategies, it’s something that’s done together with the child in ways that makes them helpful. So if I can maybe give some strategies or some examples, like, using things like visual checklists, perhaps breaking down tasks into smaller steps and teaching them how to do that, setting clear expectations for kids, developing predictable routines, and perhaps using things like timers to help children manage time. These are some things that just kind of popped to mind.
Cindy Lopez: So Danna, talk a little bit about what that all looks like in a classroom setting?
Danna Torrres, LMFT: So teachers have their own study lesson, right, study plan that they have for kids. And usually they’ve figured out who needs to be next to them, who needs additional prompting. And so taking, what Joaquin has shared when we prompt someone, like, “Are you done with that? We have a minute left. We have visual timers, look, we have 60 seconds and thebell’s about to ring,” that verbal prompting, prepping the person that a task is about to end. And another one’s going to begin, there’s going to be a transition. Those things help the person plan, right, whether they’re going to be able to complete that task or not, or if they’re going to ask for help, putting them with a peer that can help keep them on task, not because it’s that person’s job, but you feel motivated, right, when you’re doing something as a team. You’re like, you’re doing this, and I need help. And you’re like my buddy helping me through this. We give kids the opportunity to ask for help and use those tools, that communication, to again get those tasks complete.
When we’re talking about little kids and transitioning them from, for example, in the classroom to outside of the classroom. Again, that buddy system, those visuals. Repeatedly, I think in a neutral tone and sometimes in that excited tone, “What’s next? What are we doing? Did we get distracted?” Using that redirection is helpful, and I think that tone matters and our body language matters because when a person’s already confused or lost, they can get defensive. And so we get kids with some behaviors, right, like, I’m not lost. I know what I’m supposed to do. And then, you know, we’re not really listening at that point. So it turns into another thing, but when teachers have been successful, a lot of the times, where they have more support and they’ve built that rapport with the child so that when the person is feeling like they’re drowning a little bit in the classroom, they go to their support system.
And I’ve seen that a lot because teachers are awesome, and a lot of the times that’s where we get our strategies from, our teachers, because they see us like 8 to 10 hours a day. And then we go home and then my kid comes home and tells me, “My teacher said I’m a good citizen.” “Why? Why are you a good citizen?” “Oh, because I picked up my trash and I also helped my friend pick up their trash.” Right, and what she was really saying was don’t throw your trash across the room, right? So the way that we word things and frame them are also I think really helpful in the classroom setting because it’s already a stressful environment where we’re trying to learn and keep up with our peers.
Cindy Lopez: Danna and Dr. Burciaga, you both mentioned some everyday kinds of situations that families, kids, students might be dealing with. And we’re going to talk about how parents and caregivers can support their children in these kinds of situations and give some examples.
So my background is in education and about 38 years in education in a variety of roles. And one of the things that I always think about for the classroom and as a teacher, which applies also to parents and caregivers, is how do you teach these things and setting up a system or a process where you do it–like the adult does it–you do it and you’re showing the child or the student how to do it, then you do it with help from the student or the child, then they do it with help from you. And then finally they do it on their own. So it’s a scaffolded approach that we want to make sure to use because in most cases, kids have a hard time learning skills that don’t come naturally to them. So that scaffolding kind of approach is important as we think about how we can support our kids with executive functioning challenges.
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Cindy Lopez: So, what are some everyday situations that kids might face where they need some executive function skills to get through their day?
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: I think one of the most common situations that I hear from parents a lot, and Danna, you might hear this as well, getting to school on time is something that I hear is one of the most challenging because it involves a lot of those executive functions we talked about. So planning, packing your backpack the night before, and putting everything that you need in there. Working memory, so remembering everything that you need for the next day, inhibitory control, so resisting the urge to sleep in or to get distracted by TV or video games. And then cognitive flexibility. So being able to adapt to traffic delays or being able to adapt to the fact that your little sister is still eating their breakfast, and it’s causing some issues. And so for kids who have challenges with any aspect of those executive functioning abilities, it can cause some hiccups that might delay their ability to get to school on time.
Cindy Lopez: Yeah. And it seems like that could apply in almost any situation. So, doing your homework, you could think about all of those kinds of things that you just mentioned, Dr. Burciaga, as students are working to accomplish their homework. Sometimes it doesn’t look like they’re working. You know, how that all happens is usually not just one set of skills, but many that come into play, and I think that’s an important piece to remember, especially as a parent or caregiver.
So let’s talk specifically about some of the situations you both have mentioned. And can you provide some strategies or talk tracks for parents as they work with their kids to support them.
Danna Torrres, LMFT: In therapy, one of the things that I like to do is role play social situations. It takes practice, I think, reading what other people are wanting to say and what they mean. And sometimes our verbal and nonverbal communication don’t line up, and we need help interpreting that, right? Maybe the kids feel a little confused or overreact. And so, in social situations, for example, if we’re talking about conflict, somebody took something from me or I can’t find it. Let’s role play it. What would you say, right? Let’s organize our thoughts. What is it that you want to say? Because what we want to say in the moment might not really be the message that we’re trying to send. And so practicing that with a parent at home or a friend can be really helpful. The person goes into those conversations feeling more empowered and like, I got my message across, right? I was organized in what I said, I said it in the right tone, and so I’m not thrown off. And unstructured activities, for example, I think of the holidays and how people are doing a lot of craft activities and you kind of have people working around each other and you have to share things or you have to pick from a pile of things. And that can be over simulating, right, like, we’re all trying to go towards the same things versus taking a step back, observing, and saying, well, I’m going to pick these three colors because they’re the three colors that I want to start off with. And then my friend next to me has got the other three, and so we can trade off. And maybe I want to sit next to this friend that I like to talk to when I’m coloring, or I like to color by myself and all the noise kind of bothers me. I can’t really think about my project, so I’m going to sit next to this other person. A lot of thought goes into that for some people more than others.
So, helping the person figure out how to manage those unstructured activities so that they feel like they can be their best in that moment. So practicing how to respond, some of those social cues, you know, when people make jokes and you don’t get the joke or you don’t know what type of joke to give back, age-appropriate emotion regulation strategies. So bubble breathing and practicing the breathing, and then sometimes we say do box breathing. Figuring out what’s the best breathing strategy, for example, for that person, or who their safe space is if they need to vent about something, just making sure that it’s age appropriate so they can practice it. Definitely creating situations at home where they get to practice this. So if we’ve talked about it, we’ve role played, then I’m maybe going to find an opportunity at dinner time, right, to take something that you wanted first. And see if you can practice that skill, right? “Oh, actually, I was going to pick that first, that’s the one I wanted.” Oh, okay, well, is there another way? Remember how we practiced it earlier? “Excuse me, that’s the one that I wanted, but you have it first. Can I borrow it when you’re done? I’ll be sitting over here.”, right, like, what was it that we practiced, and can we continue to practice it in a natural way? So that when it comes time to perform, they can pull from that skill and that practice. And definitely adding encouragement, empowerment, and highlighting the person’s efforts, because we’re all learning on a curve, right? Learning a little differently. So making sure that the person feels, or the child, right, in this case, feels good about practicing and putting themselves out there. And voicing their opinion or setting a boundary because it can kind of suck sometimes when it doesn’t go your way. And then you’re like, I don’t want to do this anymore. I should have just yelled. They would have given it to me, practicing and not getting the response that you want is hard. So we want to keep that encouragement and those affirmations.
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: Thinking specifically about strategies, how we can support kiddos and making sure they’re getting to school on time, some of the things that I often tell parents are to do things like evening preparation. So encouraging your child to pack their backpack and lay out clothes the night before, perhaps setting up a visual schedule. So creating a morning routine chart with pictures or words to help kids understand or remember each step. And then time management. So using a timer or an alarm to signal when it’s time to move on to the next task. So, a good talk track for this might be something like, “Let’s get everything ready tonight so tomorrow morning is smooth. What do you need to pack in your backpack?” or when it’s time to put on the shoes, you can say something along the lines of, “Remember, when the timer goes off, it’s time to put on your shoes. Let’s see if we can beat the clock!” and making it something kind of enjoyable or fun.
Another one I hear often is homework, right, like who wants to do homework, really? But some strategies to help kids with getting their homework started or done is to set up a designated homework space. I know it’s not always feasible for all families to have a quiet space or an organized space, but trying to set up a space that’s as quiet as possible and as organized as possible. And with limited distraction for kids to do their homework is helpful. And then perhaps helping kids break their assignments down into chunks. So help the child divide their homework into smaller, more manageable parts, or maybe say like, okay, first do your math homework or then your reading, et cetera. And so a talk track for that could be, “Let’s start with the first two math problems and then we’ll take a short break. How does that sound?” Or, “Here’s your homework checklist. Let’s check off each task as you finish it. It’ll feel great as you see your progress. And giving them some sort of visual cue or method of kind of tracking how they’re doing.
Other things I hear about, I’m sorry, not to laugh, but like getting along with siblings is something that also requires some inhibitory control. And so, as Danna was touching on earlier, emotion regulation, social interactions can be challenging. And so things that you can use to support kids in this regard are role playing. So practicing conflict resolution scenarios with your child to prepare them for a real life situation. Emotion coaching. So helping your child identify and express their emotions appropriately. Sometimes kids say like, “I feel mixed up” because they’re feeling two emotions at once, and teaching them that that’s actually okay, that’s how emotions work. And so talk tracks for that could be, “Hey, you know, I see you’re upset. Can you tell me what happened with your brother? Okay, let’s figure out a solution together.”
Or simple things like “Remember, we take turns with the game. How about setting a timer for 10 minutes each, and you’ll switch back and forth for 10 minutes off and on.”
And then kind of moving on to like something even bigger like, accomplishing a major project. You know, we’re talking about now middle school, high school, teaching kids how to do things like plan projects or project planning, helping them again, break projects into smaller tasks, setting deadlines that span days to weeks, keeping things like visual aids. So a project timeline or a flow chart for them to visualize their steps, scheduling regular times to review progress and adjust to plans as needed is often helpful. And so as you’re talking to your child about this, you can say like, “All right, you know, it’s time to list all the steps for your project and then decide what you’ll do each day. And what do you want to start with?” Or, you know, “You’ve done a great job on the first part. What’s next on the list? How can I help you with that piece?” And so these sorts of strategies help provide a little bit more structure and help kind of guide them on how to do these things and provide that scaffolding you were talking about earlier.
Cindy Lopez: That scaffolding is a big deal, I think, for our kids, our students who are experiencing challenges with executive functioning. And some of us might be strong in one area and not as strong in another.
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: Absolutely.
Cindy Lopez: So, that doesn’t mean that there are major issues for them. It just means they need a little bit more help and support.
As an educator, I think about that and how that works in a classroom or learning environment, but how can parents do that for their children and how much scaffolding should they expect to do?
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: Yeah, Cindy, that’s a great question because I think sometimes parents may come in with unreasonable expectations of what their child can and can’t do. And certain children, at certain age points are capable of different things. And so if you’re trying to compare your six year old to your ten year old and wondering why your ten year old can do things that your six year old can’t, that’s kind of an unfair comparison. And we think about it the same way when it comes to executive functioning skills, those skills develop with time. And so oftentimes what we try to do is just assess the child’s baseline. What are we working with? Does the child perhaps have a diagnosis of ADHD or autism or something else that’s impacting their abilities? And if that hasn’t been identified, that’s something that we might want to consider.
And then we always want to make sure that we’re communicating with kids as clearly as possible, avoiding making requests of them that have too many steps because kids who are having difficulty with executive functioning learn best when you give them things in concrete steps. So, for example, if you’re trying to do some scaffolding for a child who’s maybe four to seven years old, things like visual aids, charts, pictures will help them understand routines better as opposed to a written out list. And then also providing lots of praise and encouragement for the small successes, building that confidence is key. And as I mentioned earlier, keeping the instructions as simple and concrete as possible. So focus on one step at a time. And that’s how we kind of set the stage for these executive functioning skills for kids at a younger age. And then as they get older and move into like third, fourth grade levels and older, that’s when we can start introducing things like checklists and planners and schedules or calendars to help them organize their tasks and then encouraging them to verbalize their thought processes as they work through the task is a helpful strategy.
Using games and activities to build skills like memory and impulse control is helpful. I mean, even games like Uno we sometimes use in the office are helpful. And then as we move into adolescence, as we’ve set the stage for these skills, then we start to involve them much more in setting goals and planning how to achieve them, discussing strategies for managing time and prioritizing tasks, and then encouraging self-reflection on what strategies work best for them, that kind of like ability of self-reflection or that meta awareness develops as we get older and develops with time. When we’re five years old, we’re very egocentric and not focused on what’s going on around us or why we’re thinking something, but we start to develop these skills as we get older. And so planning or planting those seeds of executive functioning skills from an early age is helpful.
Danna Torrres, LMFT: I really emphasize the baseline piece with parents. Because sometimes we don’t know how to look for what is baseline, right? How do I know what their baseline is? So a lot of the times I’ll suggest that they take an observational approach. If you’re seeing a pattern or you’re suspecting something, see your kid in different settings. Is it the initiation piece? Is it, I give you three instructions at once, I’m yelling across the room, expecting you to follow the instruction I know you know how to follow, and this is where I lose you, right? And considering that there may be other things happening, but just what does baseline look like?
Once that red flag comes up or something comes up, you’re like, something is iffy here. I think we might need to work on bedtime routine where we’re pretty good. But once you get to bedtime, you don’t want to go to bedtime. And then, you know, the toothpaste goes everywhere and it’s a whole thing and it shouldn’t be. So the parent can take a step back. And see, well, what’s going on at bedtime? Let me just observe. Let me watch the other caregiver go through the routine and let me see what happens. Is it at the same time someone else is in the kitchen and there’s plates and everything going on, someone’s washing them, and so I’m expecting you to go to bed and go to the restroom first and take care of your grooming, but you don’t want to because something’s going on in the kitchen, right? Or family happens to leave at that time, or people are coming in at that time, and so now you’re distracted by the noise and the people. So maybe now I start trying to control the environment a little better. Maybe it happens when there’s a lot of noise and a lot of commotion going on that you’re not going to be able to catch everything I say, or you will be a little less willing, right, to go put yourself to bed or go to bed when there’s still a lot of fun stuff going on.
How do I really identify that baseline skill and then build from there. Does it only happen at home? Does it happen when you’re visiting? Does it happen at school, right? There’s a lot of things going on. People are talking to you, a lot of instructions. And then you don’t get the instructions again until 30 minutes later when you’re expected to wrap up. Ooh, maybe, that’s a long break, maybe you got lost in your thoughts, and you needed redirection sooner than that. So I think identifying that baseline is important and using the people around you when you have a team at home, you’re like, what did you see? What did you see? What did you see? Let’s come together and figure out a different plan because bedtime needs to run a little smoother. So using our executive functioning skills first, right? And then seeing how we can help the kid can be, can be helpful.
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: So, Danna, I think a lot of it too is that we forget too that in the process of developing these executive functioning skills, we’re going to make mistakes, right? And we’re going to make mistakes as parents, and kids are going to make mistakes as they’re kind of learning how to do these things. Like you mentioned, we’re doing bedtime routine, and kiddo is super independent, but they go in to brush their teeth, and they squeeze too hard on that tube, and now you’ve got a big mess to clean up. And being okay with praising the fact that I’m so proud of you being independent and taking the initiative to start brushing your teeth. But maybe next time we can find another way to approach this because mistakes is going to be a part of the process, and we can’t expect things to go smoothly the entire time.
Danna Torrres, LMFT: Yeah, I’ll ask parents sometimes, like, pick your battles, in a more positive way. What is the skill I want to teach right now? For sure, I don’t want toothpaste everywhere, you know I’m tired of cleaning this bathroom sink every single day. However, the skill I wanted the kid to learn was brush your own teeth, right? Do the whole thing, put it on your toothbrush, do the 60 seconds, rinse your mouth, that was the skill. If it made a mess, then we can modify that, once you’ve got this down, and I can tell you like, next time let’s do this one thing, but I’m really going to praise you for doing the thing I asked you to do when I asked you to do it. Thank you so much. And then building from there.
Cindy Lopez: So as I’m hearing both of you talk and thinking about strategies and talk tracks and how parents and caregivers can support their kids. What happens when parents, caregivers, they’ve implemented strategies, like, the brushing the teeth situation you all just described, but it’s not working the same thing, like the skill isn’t being learned, so to speak. What do they do when the strategies just aren’t working? Where should they turn? Are there specialists that could help them?
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: There are certainly specialists that can help, but I often try to get parents to think about how they can problem solve things on their own first, because sometimes they don’t need the intervention of a specialist. So, you know, one of the things that I often ask parents to do is to reassess the situation. So what are the strategies that we’re using? Are they appropriate for the child’s age, their developmental level or skill? And then are we observing any patterns as Danna was mentioning, is there something that we’re seeing where these difficulties occur at a specific time or in a specific place or with a specific person, making sure that there’s not some triggers that are causing some of the challenges. And then communicating with your children is always a first step. So trying to figure out if they can voice why some things aren’t working. And, you know, failing those, then absolutely, going to a specialist is something that parents can often do.
A lot of parents start with a pediatrician, just to rule out any underlying medical issues or any concerns. So is the challenge around, I’m thinking more of a young child, but like you have a four year old who’s still wetting the bed, are you not remembering to enter your bladder every night before going to bed, or is this a medical thing? And being able to rule those things out, or consulting with a child psychologist or a neuropsychologist like myself, if you have concerns about like ADHD or autism, or a learning disability that might be contributing to some of these challenges, because you know, you’ve tried everything. You’ve been reading all the books, applying all the strategies, but things just don’t seem to be working, and that’s the next step might be getting an evaluation, just to make sure that it’s not ADHD or another neurodevelopmental condition that’s contributing.
Other specialists that parents often overlook are occupational therapists and speech and language pathologists. A lot of the work that they do also revolves around teaching kids executive functioning skills such as organization, time management, self-regulation, and the benefit of working with like an occupational therapist is that if you have a child who is kind of sensory or wiggly, they can also teach them some strategies to help regulate their body as they’re learning these executive functioning skills. And then other folks like Danna, I’ll let you jump in here, who works with parents and educators.
Danna Torrres, LMFT: So you can find therapists in schools, our agency, right? And we talked about it being in different settings, for example, if this is something that’s happening in school and reaching out to the school and seeing how they can support. They usually have their own tier system of how to do that. With us, we provide individual therapy, parent coaching, family therapy, so we assess and determine how to best address those issues and depending on the person, what would work best. Sometimes we want to do that as a family. Sometimes we want to start off with the child first and teach them those skills and then teach the parent the skills and then bring everyone together so that they can build on those skills.
Cindy Lopez: So, you both have shared so much today, so much good information, insights, and your own expertise over the years of working with kids that you have done. As we wrap this up, I’m wondering if there’s anything else you’d like to share with our listeners on this topic?
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, there’s a lot to be said about executive functioning. And I think one of the big things to remind families and parents is that executive functioning skills continue to develop well into our 20s. And so our development of executive functioning skills is an ongoing journey. Children grow and change, and so do their needs and their challenges. And, unfortunately, what works today might need adjustment tomorrow. And remembering to be flexible in the way that we apply some of these techniques and skills with our children is necessary. So be prepared to tweak or adjust strategies as your child matures or as new situations arise. And remaining flexible as a parent and as a child is key to finding out what works best at any given time.
And then I often tell parents not to hesitate to revisit support if your child has gone through something like executive functioning coaching or worked with a therapist, and they did great, but then now they’re 15 and struggling again, go back to that therapist or to another therapist and get like a tune up on some of these skills. And then always celebrate your successes. So, just like you celebrated when you potty trained your child, celebrate when your child figures out how to set up a long-term project and see it to fruition.
Danna Torrres, LMFT: I would also want to highlight, support systems are really important. When a child is struggling and we’re trying to figure out how to best support, we sometimes need support. We lean into our support system, not only for emotional support, but for strategies, right, to vent, to see what those resources look like, to see if someone else can help tweak what we’ve already tried, just leaning into, to our support system. Sometimes we don’t have a set support system. The person might be a single parent or they might be away from home. There are a lot of systems out there, like Children’s Health Council, county services, a teacher, somebody else that we can go to for additional support to see where do we go from here. Those are important. I think sometimes we forget that we can reach out to others.
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: Yeah. And just to echo off of what you’re saying, Danna, that relying on our support systems is often helpful, but then also remembering to have self-compassion, like, giving ourselves grace as parents or caregivers is important because sometimes we might find it challenging to get started or maintain consistency with our strategies. And then we feel like we’re failing because we’re not applying the strategies every day. And remembering that just because you don’t apply the strategies every day doesn’t necessarily negate the progress that you’ve made as a parent or the progress that your child has made. It’s kind of the same as a diet. You know, if you’re on a diet and you fail one day of the week, doesn’t necessarily mean the whole thing is blowing. You just get back on the routine the next day and keep working toward your goals.
Cindy Lopez: So it is important to know that as a parent or caregiver, you yourself may struggle with executive function skills, right? You yourself may have problems with arriving on time or remembering to keep your calendar current so, you know, where you’re going next, all those kinds of things. Those might be challenges for you. And so it’s hard then to think about, how do I support my child? However, I would also say that you are among the best people to support your child because you have that lived experience with it, and you know what it takes to learn those skills and the kind of support you need to be successful with them.
So, to our listeners, as Dr. Burciaga said, give yourself some grace, everyone does the best that they can.
Joaquin Burciaga, PhD: We might have all of the best strategies to teach our kids, and we know how to apply them and be successful. But sometimes you just have that kid who just says, mom, dad, what do you know? But then somebody else says the exact same thing, and it’s the best idea ever. So, again, don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re really working hard to try to support your child with things that you know work and will help them. You know, sometimes kids just need to work with someone else to learn those strategies, and it’s not that there’s anything wrong with you or the relationship. Just at some point in adolescence, our brains tune our parents voices out and tune into other people’s voices more, and we can’t get through them as easily as we could when they were much younger.
Cindy Lopez: Well, thank you both, Dr. Burciaga and Danna for being with us today and sharing all this really helpful information, practical information for our listeners. And as both Dr. Burciaga and Danna have noted, we do have services at CHC that could be helpful to you if you’re in a situation where you need some support with your child. You can reach out to our care team. You can email them at careteam@chconline.org. You can also call at 650-688-3625.
And as they noted, there’s lots of kinds of specialists at CHC who can help from occupational therapists to speech and language pathologists to psychologists and neuropsychologists. So, parent coaching might be helpful too. So there are all kinds of services at CHC that can help you. So thank you all to our listeners. Thank you for tuning in and listening today.
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